Monday, December 1, 2008

An Unthinkable Confession

I hate to say it... I can't believe I am going to splatter this confession on the all-access, all-the-time internet! My moral life and value has hit an all-time low. That's right, I payed $1.19 for a double cheeseburger at McDonald's this afternoon without even at least attempting to question the change in the menu. What have I become? What sort of a low-life victim have I become? As I saw the extra 19¢ leave my hand I tried to make myself spell out the world-wide consequences of raising the price of the burger. It reminded me of a middle schooler getting up the nerve to ask one of the school's cheerleaders out on a date--he walks around and around and around her locker, but can only belch forth air when he makes his stellar approach. It is not even as if the cashier beat me up and took the 19¢. Nope, I just gave it over like a goober.

I want to make an official apology to all of those college students out there that will go broke and hungry because of my lack of nerve.

I hate to say it, but the double cheeseburger, although making a much larger dent in my pocket (19¢ a pop to be exact), is still as greasy, cheesy, and scrumptous as ever.

Before I start sounding optimistic, however, I want to direct your attention to this slippery article put out by McDonald's regarding the change in the Dollar Menu. Click here to read it.

And I quote:

"When you visit us in December, also look for our latest addition to the Dollar Menu – the new McDouble® Burger. It’s pretty much the same as the Double Cheeseburger, just with one less slice of cheese."
What?! "Pretty much the same... just with one less slice of cheese." How can "pretty much the same" and "one less slice of cheese" be used in the same sentence? That's like saying, "Your car is pretty much the same as before you let me borrow it... umm... it just doesn't have an engine anymore."

They make it sound like a wedding as opposed to a funeral: "look for our latest addition to the Dollar Menu." They are actually optimistically telling you to gleefully look for the increase in price! 'Oh, next time you go to McDonald's you will be happy to know that you will have to pay more money to get less cheese.' Thanks for the promise! I will have to bring the whole gang along to maximize on the newness. I love price increases!

Ok, time to stop--I'm starting to drip with sarcasm.


Mike Leake said...


I can't believe that this is the first time I have commented on your blog. All of your thoughtful articles that you have written have not necessitated a comment. However, I must rub this one in.

If you had not America's Hometown perhaps you could still be getting your beloved double chesseburger's for a buck. Yes, in Hannibal MO as of now it is still on the dollar menu. But we are much slower than you refined Eastern folk--so I'm sure we'll be getting the DoubleBurger Single Cheeser's pretty soon.

In Christ,
Mike Leake (hopefully you remember me from college and don't think this is some random weird guy...i'm a weird guy you know)

Mike Leake said...

My first comment and it has a!

That's supposed to say...

"If you hadn't left America's Hometown..."

Jimmy Snowden said...


How could I forget Mike Leake? (You played soccer, right? About 6'8, 235?--Just kidding).

I hate to quote Scripture at you (as opposed to "to you"), but I must: "No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need" (Eph 4:29).

I was going ask you to send a box of double cheeseburgers in the mail until the ungodly cost of stamps entered my mind. Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts. You will feel the pain soon enough.


Katie said...

Wow. The flock at your church is so blessed to have such a wise and discerning pastor.

Anonymous said...

Jimmy Snowden,
I love you.
Miss Billye

Sara Place said...

I FULLY agree! This is un-American! I'm appalled, I too LOVE the greasy fatty goodness of a double cheeseburger... It somehow makes the world around me okay! Its my little bit of heaven on earth, God put the double cheeseburger here as a band aid to ease the pain of the ugliness that is the "McFish"! I will pray for your healing if you pray for mine!