Monday, August 4, 2008

Double Cheeseburger to Leave the McDonald's Dollar Menu: A True National Crisis

Anyone who knows me more than they know their neighbors carpet cleaner knows that my favorite sandwich is the McDonald's $1 double cheeseburger. Not only are they tasty, but they are also impressively cheap. If there was ever a time for America to follow in the footsteps of the prophets of old by calling a holy day of prayer, beginning a fast, rending garments, and roaming about in sackcloth and ashes--it is today. What possible good can come from McDonald's taking the best sandwich in the history of the burger off the dollar menu? What on earth will life be like without affordable double cheeseburgers? Will the earth be thrown off its orbital pattern? Will TBN celebrities get hair cuts? One cannot even begin to consider the damage that will be done. Here is what I foresee: a mass extinction of college students. What on earth will college students eat? If it were not for the McDonald's $1 double cheeseburger I would have died of starvation during college (I blew up like a big balloon instead). College students need a food which is (1) made for them (because they are lazy), (2) cheap (because they are poor), and (3) tasty (because they are picky). If McDonald's cares for the future of America they will keep the double cheeseburger both tasty and affordable. I tremble to think of the damage that is bound to be done. If you think you can handle it... and you want to learn more about this national crisis, click here and read the most depressing article to appear in the Chicago Tribune since the day Crystal Clear Pepsi lost its place on the shelves of local convenience stores.

While reading this article put out by the Chicago Tribune I just could not help but identify with the broken spirit of one of Veggie Tales most beloved characters, Mr. Lunt. I feel a certain connection with him. If you want to know what I am talking about, watch the video below.

5 comments:

Jessy said...

I am a lover of anything that is a dollar, especially things that are as good as the double cheeseburger!
It is a sad time! Take the chicken sandwich instead!!

Lynn said...

NO JIMMY DON'T DO IT!!!! DON'T EAT THAT DOLLAR CHICKEN AT MCDONALDS. JESSY YOU MUST BE ENLIGHTENED AS WELL . . . . THE DOLLAR CHICKEN SANDWICH IS PROCESSED MEAT. PROCESSED MEAT HAS NITRATES AND TRACES OF RAT HAIR. IF THERE ARE TRACES OF RAT HAIR WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????????????????????? THERE ARE POSSIBLY RATS IN THE PROCESSED CHICKEN. I'VE NOT KNOWN RATS TO SHED.

Now I know that sounds like exageration - but is it worth it? There are dollar fries and 79 cent burgers that have cocaine in them. How do I know that? Well very simply. I'm addicted. The End.

Jessy said...

NO, Lynn! I meant for MacDonald's to 'take' the chicken sandwich INSTEAD of the cheeseburger!

Lynn said...

Jessy PRAISE THE LORD you clarified that. I was going to be praying for your well being!!!

Jessy said...

ps- we just returned from there and the double cheeseburger is still on our $1 menu!
Hopefully it's just a rumor!